Why I Run

Why I Run

I have not always been a runner. In fact, growing up I was the musician in my family where my 3 siblings were the athletes in cross country, track and football. I never minded that because we are all unique and made in different ways.

One year, knowing my siblings had been athletic, the cross country coach of my high school called me and asked me if I would consider joining the team. I said I doubt it, but I would give one trial run to see and let him know. A quarter of a mile into that trial run I said “Nope. This isn’t for me. I will never be a runner.” And I thought that was a closed book story.

“Well, lesson to me: never say never about anything.”

Well, lesson to me: never say never about anything. Fast forward to 2008. I was a barista working for Starbucks and I had recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was learning how to manage that part of me and accept that reality. Starbucks is a sponsor of the Air Force Marathon, and that year I was tasked to be out at the race to tend to the coffee needs we were committed to fulfill. That day became one of those marker moments in life I will never forget.

In between coffee duty, I watched with my co-workers all the people cross the finish line of the event and I was captivated. I saw 80+ year old’s finish, hands in victory. I watched obese people cross the finish line, conquering a “never” in their own life. I witnessed finishers vomiting, crying, laughing, hugging and celebrating. I felt inspired and mesmerized by the stories being told through the animations I was able to witness. In that moment, I turned to my good friend and co-worker and said “I am going to run a half marathon.”

“I am going to run a half marathon.”

I had no idea what I was doing at that time. I didn’t wear the right gear, I had no idea how to train, and I was clueless as to how many different running shoes existed. However, as I began to train towards a half marathon (yes, that was my first distance- why I didn’t choose a 5K I’ll never know!) for the spring of 2009, the running helped me manage the depression and anxiety in a way I had no idea it would do. Depression and anxiety get a bad reputation, and at times for good reasons. However, no one really likes to talk about it because it is so private and so very often misunderstood.

I want to share that it is part of my journey and when I began running, that became a tool to fight that demon on the darker days. It wasn’t a “fix it” solution, but it became one which helped me learn more about myself and manage that part of me in a healthy way.

“I had no idea what I was doing at that time. I didn’t wear the right gear,
I had no idea how to train, and I was clueless as to how many different running shoes existed.”

I completed my first half marathon in the spring of 2009 and I have been hooked ever since. Through that season of training, I began to believe in myself in a new way. I conquered a thing I once said I’d never do. My mom used to laugh and say “of all my kids, I never thought you’d be the one doing half marathons!” I share this journey of my past to bring you to today.

This time of COVID-19 has been challenging for all of us. The economy has shifted, schools closed, jobs have been lost, meetings became computer meet-ups and, face it- running became a virtual must rather than a choice. For me, still a warrior against the mental health issues, it has stirred that pot in a new way which has been very exhausting. Also, when the event we work for all year takes a turn upside down, that creates a new way of looking at life’s events. However, it brings out creativity and opportunity to rise as well. A chance to rise above depression and anxiety. An opportunity to  write a new chapter in my life story. And a chance to look through the lens in a different color.

“A chance to rise above depression and anxiety.
An opportunity to  write a new chapter in my life story.
And a chance to look through the lens in a different color.”

As our staff made the decision to go virtual, we all were saddened by that. But it also becomes an opportunity to connect with you all, our readers, our runners, in a new way.  For the first time in 10 years, I get to run the Air Force Half Marathon again! True, the experience is going to be way different, but life is way different in general. I first ran the Air Force half marathon in 2009 and again in 2010. In 2010, I hit my PR. (10 years later, I’ve yet to break it… the AF Half Marathon is taunting me with it!) I never would have dreamed in 2010 when I crossed that finish line that 10 years from that moment I would be the assistant director of the event!

Life is a journey and we have a lot of twists and turns we take with it. Running has taken me places I never dreamed I’d go, but I’d never change it. I have run in several states and many races in the last 12 years since I began my running journey in 2008.

“Running has taken me places I never dreamed I’d go, but I’d never change it.”

I’ve met countless runners and encountered very inspiring stories. I’ve had opportunity to travel and grow and push my own self in new ways. In 10 years since I last ran the Air Force Half Marathon, I’ve “grown up” and been reshaped. I continue to learn every day, and as I said above, I still fight against the anxiety and depression. But one thing that running continues to do for me is push me to be the best version of me.

I will share with you that I don’t run to compete. I am not fast and I will likely never claim an age group award. My body has changed so much in 10 years’ time, but so has my understanding of the idea that we are all unique. My story isn’t yours, and yours isn’t your neighbor’s, but we all share this experience of an event which ties us together in a unique way. This year, we are running it virtually, but I am running it with you. Brandon is as well. In fact, the entire staff has each chosen a distance to participate in. I have chosen my favorite distance of the half marathon.

“My story isn’t yours, and yours isn’t your neighbor’s,
but we all share this experience of an event which ties us together in a unique way.”

I am excited because it has been 10 years since I ran the Air Force Half Marathon. I am looking forward to it because it has given me a new goal, and one which my heart is so intertwined with. I don’t usually get to run in an event I am helping plan. I am determined because, well, quite simply, running doesn’t necessarily come easily for me. I have to work at it, which is why I think I love that distance of 13.1 so much. It pushes me in a way I once said I never could. It stretches my abilities. It creates determination and confidence, even if there is frustration along the way.

And honestly, during this time of coronavirus, fighting the mental battles which are so often unseen and misunderstood, training for this event gives me a fresh page to write a new chapter in the journey of being a mental health warrior. Depression can at times create a sense of not wanting to do anything. Having goals keeps me pushing forward. Anxiety can be paralyzing some moments. Running shakes out those thoughts and opens doors of possibility.

I don’t run because I want to be the fastest or beat others. I run because it helps me beat my own mental health issues. I run because in the process I always learn more about myself. I run because in those moments, I remember how hard it actually is and completing it marks another victory for me. I don’t need a trophy or a wall plaque to show that. I carry the satisfaction within. I don’t run because it defines me, I run because it refines me.

Written by: Rachael McKinney, Assistant Director

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Related Pages:

2020 Virtual Air Force Marathon
2020 Virtual Race Registration
Tell Us Your Story
Meet the Team